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No.113431 +
good day people, my name is robert and i am a federal agent, i have been yearning for a promotion but actually doing my job is really tiring so if anyone here has committed a crime and wants to go to jail for it please let me know by posting the crime in question and your current location

the crimes i'm looking for are severe things such as terrorism, mass murders, cybercrime against targets such as the government, etc...
do NOT reply if all you did is some shit like shoplifting

thank you for your cooperation, oh and if someone asks i caught you by myself after months of personal investigation
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No.113432 +
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i kill bugs...
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No.113434 +
>>113432
please refrain from "meming", this is a serious request so unless by "bugs" you mean "hundreds of thousands of civilians" or "key political figures" do not reply
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No.113436 +
does masturbating to thumbnails of pics uploaded by CP spammers count as terrorism?
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No.113438 +
also does masturbating to SFW videos of little girls on youtube count as terrorism?
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No.113439 +
>>113438
ugh... that's hardly something, everyone in the office does it anyway
I was hoping you'd be the leader of an international pedo ring, now THAT would give me a promotion
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No.113441 +
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>>113431
uhm, i ch-cheated a little on a qu-qqu-quiz assignment, and l-looked up some answers. is that against the law??
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No.113443 +
>>113441
finally! please give me your current location so that i may arrest you
(cheating on school exams is actually against the law, university exams at least)
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No.113449 +
>>113441
chiyo seemed to be a prodigy but was revealed to cheat! and she was dumb!!! who would've thought
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No.113482 +
>>113431
does picking a grape at the supermarket and eating it without paying count as terrorism?
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No.113493 +
>>113482
seriously dude that's not cool. a farmer sacrificed his kids to the grape gods trying to grow that grape, and you don't even want to pay?
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No.113507 +
When I was living in a college dorm, I got stuck on a fucked up sleep schedule and spent nights awake in the lounge browsing the net while everyone else was asleep and sometimes I would open the freezer and eat out of other students' labelled tubs of ice cream since I wouldn't be caught.

It was one of the only times I can recall doing an act of complete malice without any care about the feelings of the other person and I will regret it for the rest of my life. I'm so sorry to whoever lost their chance to enjoy ice cream because of me...
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No.113512 +
ive paid a homeless guy five dollars to say sieg heil
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No.113520 +
I was paid 5 bucks to say "sieg heil" (I was broke back when).
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No.116045 +
I was paid in exchange for a man to say "sieg heil" (I was a banknote back then).
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