does anyone else with bpd have a tendency to get along best with narcissists and assholes? my closest friends were like that for the longest time
i even remember leaving my old group of friends to be friends with a guy that was bullying us back in middle school because i thought he was funny and was a 4chan retard like me, and eventually i had to block him because he kept sending (unpaid) pizzas to my house

i've always thought of this question so i wanted to see if anyone has thought the same OR has an answer ( ´ω`)

Goths are at their hottest when their skin is pale and clear, and they keep things nice and simple.

I'm not talking about a morality thing, I'm thinking about the purity of an aesthetic. What I mean is that the whole goth look was originally an updated take on a sort of ethereal beauty and menace seen in old movies, particularly horror, and how they did their makeup in order to come out better on camera. A big inspiration being the sharp contrast of pure black on pure white that is evident in old photos and black and white films, which lent them sometimes unintended gravitas.

I mean, some early icons are people like Bela Lugosi or Morticia Adams; very sleek and sophisticated. If you look you notice most early goths had no visible tattoos, and no more piercings than earrings.

But unfortunately it got really vulgar and commercialized and made into an edgy caricature of itself (think Marilyn Manson), and thus way too many these days seem to think it's a requirement to get piercings, or tattoos, or those cheesy coloured contacts that are supposed to make you look like a DEMON from HELL--which I think ruins it. If you want piercings and tattoos just go punk...(;´Д`)

very comfortable

Very recently, a friendship that I really cared about might have been ruined. To keep it short, my friend had a secret. The only people who knew about this were me, her, her boyfriend, and another friend (For sake of clarity, I will assign them random names. My friend is Laura, her boyfriend John, her friend Noelle). However, now everyone knows about this secret, not just the four of us. First thing Laura did was confront me about this. She thought I had snitched on her. I did not, I swear I didn't tell anybody. Now I can't tell if she believes me, or if her trust in me is shaken. I am not sure how to behave next time I see her, or if there is anything I should say. I can't tell if I am worrying too much, or if our friendship is really fucked as I fear it may be. I feel really bad about this situation, I really cared about our friendship. I also don't have many friends, so losing her just sucks. This whole thing makes me anxious and I am afraid of confronting her, or confronting John or Noelle.

And yet... I feel like I sort of deserve all this, to lose this friendship. Despite the fact I did everything right and nothing wrong, I feel like I am in the wrong on a fundamental level, or that maybe I, as a person, am simply wrong, and nothing that I do can make me "right". As if I were built wrong. Everything about me is wrong, and therefore I don't really deserve good friends. Cutting all ties with my friends would probably benefit them, and whatever I gain from these friendships is wortheless because I am also kinda worthless.

I've thought about this for the past few months. I also thought that I am stupid, ugly and just generally worthless as a person. That people bother with me out of boredom or maybe even pity. Usually I would just shake these feelings off and not give them any weight, knowing that I do matter, that people love me, and that I am anything but stupid and ugly. But now that this accident with Laura has happened, I can't stop thinking about it.

One thing I also noticed is that I have difficulties opening up with people. I wanted to vent about this with my best friend, but I couldn't get myself to speak with him about this, and I preferred to write this post. Maybe I tend to diminish my issues, thinking that they are of no matter because I do not matter that much. I also often think about cutting ties with society as a whole and live as an hermit in my bedroom. I am afraid that all these thoughts will harm me in the long run, that they will cause me to do some stupid choices somewhere in the future.

Very boring rant, but I wanted to hear your opinions. Has anybody ever had these kind of thoughts? Should I talk about this with someone, like my best friend? What should I do?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genie_(feral_child)

I've been under a lot of stress lately, screaming and hitting things when I break down isn't really helping much any more so I've been starting to shift toward harming myself by doing things like scratching myself or pushing my thumb into an awl until it bleeds

[s4s] does pretty well without all the rules.
Do you browse esfores?

k

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